CHAPTER 8 - “But I’m Not a Freak!” or, How to Cope in a Carnivorous World
Being new to vegetarianism, it’s more than likely that you’re the only person in your household going meatless. Whether you live with a partner, your parents, your children or roommates, sticking to your guns when everyone else is chowing down on meat loaf or cheeseburgers can be difficult. Even if they’re supportive of your decision, you’ll have to deal with them not understanding all the ins and outs of your new lifestyle – and if they’re not supportive, you may find them ridiculing your food choices or even actively trying to sabotage you.
The first thing you need to accept is that it’s not your job to make them change to suit your way of eating, any more than it’s theirs to turn you back into a meat-eater. If they want to change, that’s great – you can share this book with them and you can all work on menu-planning together! But the best way you can influence others in your household to adopt healthier habits is to be a good example – and not turning them off by lecturing them!
Meal time at an omnivorous dinner table
What’s the best way to deal with vegetarian needs when the rest of the family expects meat and potatoes for dinner? Should you just partake of the same meal as the others, only skipping the meat? Or should you make it clear that you have special needs, and eat a separate meal from everyone else? If you’re the primary cook in your family, you may not want to prepare multiple entrees every night – and you might not want to cook a meat-based dish for others when you’ve given it up yourself. And if you’re not the family chef, is it fair to ask them to go to extra effort for you, night after night?
Only you know the dynamic in your home, so only you can figure out the answers to these questions. One thing is certain, however – you need to sit down and talk to the people you live with about your dietary needs and figure out the most agreeable way to make it work for everyone. If you can’t stand to have meat around you at all, this is a huge issue. You may have to ask the others in your home to cook meat outside on a grill, and dedicate a special section of the refrigerator to meat storage, asking that it’s wrapped in such a way that you don’t have to look at it. If your feelings aren’t that strong, you may simply want to negotiate who cooks what, and when – perhaps you can arrange to cook completely vegetarian meals for everyone three nights a week, and prepare your own entrée on the other nights. It all comes down to what your needs are, and the compromises you and your family are willing to make.
What about the children?
A little patience and negotiation can overcome issues between a meat-eater and a vegetarian, but what if you have children? It’s a little like a “mixed marriage” where you have to decide in which religion you’ll raise your children! Few areas can lead to disharmony in a relationship faster than disagreements on how to bring up the kids, so sit down and negotiate this one with your partner before you go any further.
Raising your child to be vegetarian is certainly a healthful option – kids benefit from going meatless just like adults – and we’ll discuss the how-to of that in Chapter 16. The most important thing right now is to figure out how you’ll handle meals at home with your kids. Some families eat nothing but meatless meals at home, but allow the children to eat meat at school and at their friends’ houses. Others create meals that offer options for everyone in the family, so that the omnivores and the vegetarians can choose whatever they like.
On the other hand, you may feel so strongly that your children become vegetarians that there may be no room for compromise. You’ll need to lay this out for your partner in a kind, non-confrontational way and, even if you do, it may lead to conflict. It may seem like it’s “just food,” but it’s an important issue – if you can’t easily negotiate the issue, there’s no shame in working it out with a family counselor. Remember, though, that no matter what their age, people like to eat good food – so if you put together tasty, attractive menus full of flavor, color and a variety of textures, you’ll find that the kids and adults are more willing to try vegetarian meals.
Going your own way – and letting them go theirs
If you’re the main cook in the family, cooking multiple entrees for family dinners can be a huge pain. It’s a lot of extra work, but it’s also the easiest solution to making sure you get something to eat while keeping everyone happy. And it’s also, you’ll be surprised to learn, the best way to sway others to your side.
Look at it this way – your omnivorous tablemates can enjoy the meat-based portion of the meal while you eat your vegetarian option, and all of you share the (meatless) side dishes. Of course, your vegetarian food is going to look so good and smell so delicious, they’ll want to try your food, too. So the next time, you just make the vegetarian dish, and chances are they’ll never miss the meat-based dish! Pretty soon, you’ll be making vegetarian meals almost every day of the week … mission accomplished.
You can also make your meal out of all of the non-meat dishes on the table which, if you plan well, should be enough to fill up your plate and your belly. Steamed vegetables, roasted red potatoes, a salad and a whole wheat roll is a fine meal – let the others have the pork chops, because you’ve got plenty to eat. This is a good approach when you find yourself at a Thanksgiving dinner, office party or dinner at a friend’s house and you can’t dictate the menu – just eat what you can, without making a big deal out of your vegetarian lifestyle.
