CHAPTER 17 - The Social Vegetarian - Connecting with Meat-Eaters and Others at Work and at Play
People are less inclined to look down their noses at vegetarians than once was the case, but there are still social challenged to living a meatless lifestyle. Some people will believe that you’re making an in-your-face political choice and have a negative reaction for no good reason. A lot of people will wonder if you’ve gone all hippy-dippy, patchouli-scented goofball on them, and treat with condescension and scorn. Even the most supportive of friends will misunderstand what "vegetarian" means and offer you fish or eggs without ever asking you for the particulars of your diet. And you’re going to have to take this all with good humor and flexibility. The level of acceptance you find depends, of course, on where you live, where you work, and what sort of people you hang out with. But even in the most accepting of environments, you’re going to have challenges.
Explaining yourself, even though you shouldn’t have to
As we’ve discussed, you’ll need a supply of quick, polite answers to handle the questions people will have about your diet. Don’t get cranky – sure, they’re nosy, but isn’t it nice that they want to know more about vegetarianism? If you already know what to say, it’ll be easy to give them an answer without turning the conversation into a lengthy debate. Some of the most common questions you’ll field are the same ones you had when you first started out – except now you know the answers:
Why are you a vegetarian?
If you don’t eat meat, how do you get enough protein?
Can you eat chicken? How about fish?
Is this some sort of a religious thing?
Is it hard to never eat meat?
Why do you wear leather shoes if you won’t eat animals?
Isn’t vegetarian food boring?
Can you eat at McDonald’s?
If you already know the answers, you won’t mind the questions so much!
Dining gracefully with meat-eaters
Dinner parties – both attending them and hosting them – can be problematic for people on special diets. If you’re the host, you can make sure that you have a tempting variety of delicious foods, dazzling your guests with such tasty choices that they’d be foolish to miss the meat. But what if you’re the guest?
Often, even if your hosts know that you’re vegetarian, they may not know how to feed you. They may think that by serving grilled salmon instead of meat loaf they’re offering a vegetarian-friendly entree. Or you may end up in a situation where your hosts simply have no idea of what your needs are.
In those cases, you need to make the best of things. Etiquette is, fundamentally, about behaving well under challenging circumstances. If all there is on the table that you can eat is bread and salad, do so – and, if you’re questioned, smile and say that they’re so delicious that you’re happy to enjoy them. Even if it’s disappointing, remember that’s it’s just for one meal – chat with your tablemates, enjoy the company and have a good time anyway!
If there’s absolutely nothing on the menu that you can eat, or your hostess sits a plate of animal food in front of you, do what children do – squish things around and mess up your plate. Hide the meat under some lettuce, and leave some empty space so it looks like you ate something. If the conversation is compelling, most people won’t notice how much you did, or didn’t, eat.
Whatever happens, don’t make an issue of your diet. To be blunt, no one is really interested in what you can’t eat, and it’s considered rude to draw all of the conversation to yourself in such a manner anyway. If someone asks, tell them you’re vegetarian and steer the conversation to something else.
If you’re headed to a big social event like a wedding or a family dinner, and you think there might be challenges finding something to eat, then eat a light meal before you leave the house. Even under the worst circumstances there will be something for you to snack on, but you won’t be suffering from hunger pangs throughout the evening.
Being a great, meat-free hostess
Part of being a terrific host is anticipating your guests’ needs. Think about how you’d like to be treated when you go to dinner at a friend’s home – how about offering the same courtesy to them? When you invite guests to dinner, ask them if they have special dietary needs, or if there’s anything they absolutely hate. You’ll be surprised at what people have to say – some are allergic to bell peppers, or peanuts, or dairy. If you accommodate their needs that same way you’d like yours accommodated in a similar situation, you can make them feel extra welcome in your home.
One sure way to make everyone happy is to serve a variety of different dishes buffet style, allowing guests to fill their plates only with what they want. It helps them to feel comfortable if they don’t want to eat something – no one will be looking at their plate and wondering why there’s still food there – and it’ll save you the effort of serving, so you have more time to enjoy your guests.
Only serve meat if you genuinely feel comfortable doing so. Some people will cook a chicken or fish dish for guests, but not partake of it themselves. If you’re happy doing this, then go ahead. But if you aren’t, then make them the best vegetarian meal they’ve ever tasted, and show them how delicious eating meat-free can be!
